I was holding her hand, as usual. But the grip of her fingers crossing mine, was tighter this evening.
Though we were walking but I was finding my self still stuck in that smile she passed while coming to me. Yeah I know she smiles a lot, but this time it was different, entangling me maybe.
“Are you really okay?” Even if I am, she never foregts to add “okay” with this particular question for that matters a lot to someone like me who if affected by nothing but small things.
“Yeah I am, obviously I should be okay when you’re with me”, I said, trying my best to hide the storm rising inside me.
“But you seem to be restless my boy”, tell me why you’re shivering and just look into my eyes !
I tried to control my breaths while she held my hands and made us sit on that bench near the road. Her embrace had always been soothing but this time it was a little more, perhaps what I exactly longed for.
It was already quite a dark when she wrapped her arm around me and slightly touched my cheek. I bet I couldn’t have imagined of anything more pleasing than this evening.
“You’re hiding something from me and you better tell me now. Come on, go ahead”, she said, willingly coming an inch closer to make me feel more comfortable.
“Don’t you know that I love you? Don’t you think you’re running away from the fact that you love me too, even more? If this is not love which is muffling us, then define it? Friendship? Oh you please! Just like my heart, see yours also can’t beat faster.
I may not be that handsome, I may not be that good-looking, I may not resemble that prince charming you’ve been dreaming your whole life or that perfectly romantic hero, but I’ve an heart. A heart that beats only for you.
Yeah I’ve demons inside me for I am a devil but I’ve seen these demons slashing apart by just your voice. I’ve never been romantic and nor I can ever be but I’m practical and that’s why I couldn’t fall for anyone but you.
I’d left with no reasons to write, until I met you. All reasons to love anymore had abandoned me back then along with these escaped out emotions. I was a writer with no ink. You became my ink, my poem. I did love once with no hope that it would get over and if I’d ever emerge out of it. Perhaps some part of that story resides in me still, along with that pain and memories and love and happiness, but I wanna remember nothing.
I’ve been healing everything I could, but found my remedy in none. None, until you drove me out of that darkess for never to turn back.
Darling, if it ever ends like everything does, let me carve some poems beneath the sheets of our love till then. If this too is to end in heartbreak, I’d prefer to have the pain of yours.”
This was all I could manage to speak before we both bursted out into tears and she hugged me tighter than she ever did.
“My stupid mr.writer, I love you. More than you would ever know and far more than I could ever tell.”, she said after a few mintues which she took before her cry turned into normal sniffs and sighs.
That “my” made me fall for her once again and I still wonder how she manages to make me fall for her, millions of times and every time for a different reason.
I still regret for making her cry by this ultimately unromantic way of proposal. :’)
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